divorce & my seven year old son

Divorce is difficult and life changing for anyone.  But I have to say, when a child and/or children are involved, it takes the stress and pain to a completely different level.  Please understand, I do not claim to be an expert on the topic, but in this post I thought I would share with you a few strategies I have found to be helpful in dealing with the emotions of my son. 

When my ex and I separated a little over a year ago, one of the first things I did for JP was set up an appointment with a therapist.

In the beginning I was so overwhelmed, I had no idea what to do with myself, much less JP.  It just made sense.  And I am very thankful to say, I have no regrets!  Both families, along with my circle of supportive friends have worked overtime to make sure that JP feels secure and loved in his environment.  JP LOVES his doctor and really looks forward to talking with him each month.  If you, or someone you know is facing a divorce, or ANY life change, consider finding a solid professional to encourage what you already have in place in your home.  If you find a GOOD doctor, they will make themselves available to talk to both you and your child.  I share my concerns with him and he is there to advise me on how to approach various situations as they arise.

You will not find pictures around my house of me and Scott as a couple.  However, if you walk into the boys' room, you will see a family portrait hanging above the television, a small framed photo of the three of us when JP was a baby, and a picture of Scott and JP on the dresser.  It is of upmost important to me for JP NOT to feel like he has lost his family.  I have made it very clear to him on more than one occasion that just because his daddy and I do not live together anymore, we will ALWAYS be his family.  And nothing will change that.

Routine has proven to be extremely essential in our house.  Children have very little control in situations like these.  I know, in the beginning, JP was very angry and confused.  In his little mind, he didn't know when he was coming or going.  When he was with me, he wanted to be with his dad.  When he was with Scott, he wanted to be with me.  It was really ugly for a while.  JP's emotions were all over the map.  One thing that helped was developing a routine.  At the suggestion of a close friend, I bought a little calendar to hang on their bedroom wall.  I put X's, (or you could use stickers), on the days that he was going to see his daddy.  This provided consistency and security in knowing that he will always have time with both of us.  I am amazed at the difference this made.

This one is hard.  When your family has fallen apart and you see your child cry almost daily, enforcing discipline is NOT AN EASY THING TO DO!  It doesn't matter what type of discipline  you use, it is only important that you stay consistent.  Trust me, it is the best thing for them!

This one is self explanatory.  BE HONEST.  Age appropriately, of course.  About a month ago, at the suggestion of his doctor, I took JP for a walk downtown and asked him if he knew what the word divorce meant.  When he said no, I explained that it meant that a husband and wife were no longer married.  His response was simply, "okay."  At least for now.  The therapist recommended that I not offer up any information that he does not ask for.  When he is ready to ask questions, he will. 

JUST LOVE THEM!! I tell JP every single day how much he is loved.  I remind him all the time that he has more than one family who think the world of  him.  I tell him how proud I am of him and how special he is to me.  If you do nothing else, DO THIS! 

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.  I am a much better mother to JP when I am happy and at peace.  On the weekends I do not have him with me, I travel.  I hang out with friends.  I read.  I take long baths.  I take care of myself.  I could go on and on with this one.  Find a new hobby, if you have to.  Bottom line, you know what you like...  DO IT.

That's a wrap, friends.  I hope this has been helpful for someone.  Happy Humpday!

Until next time...